You're my little dorito
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
