how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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