sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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