i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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