hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
