i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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