Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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