Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
