I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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