I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
