Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
