where am i from again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
