I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
