They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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