i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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