What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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