My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
