What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
