It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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