I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
