I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
