Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
