Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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