Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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