i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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