My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When did angry sex become our thing?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
