marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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