I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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