Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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