I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
