Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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