Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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