Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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