It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
