Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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