I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
