We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
