Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
