Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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