I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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