It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
