the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
