dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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