shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
