Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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