she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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