turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
