He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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