I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
time to smoke my breakfast
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
