I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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