just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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