Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
