your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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