When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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