lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
