Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
