just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize