i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
