my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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