I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize