I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
